tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20589943.post8822668359799731337..comments2023-10-30T09:04:00.112-04:00Comments on Tales of a Bi "MWM": Happy? New YearNatehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13642480079983859304noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20589943.post-21297642258438049132007-01-03T07:00:00.000-05:002007-01-03T07:00:00.000-05:00I agree. I was wondering about this trip being a ...I agree. I was wondering about this trip being a little so soon. Too soon that it just amplifies any pain that is there now...<br />Events here is like a big reality check. The actions during NYears makes me think you two need to talk about what both of you are thinking and expecting. The new years thing seems like a disconnect, and you guys maybe should get it out in the open to better understand the consequences of any actions and minimize any hurt to each other(being flexible too since emotions can change.) I think you are hurting EACH other. (When she didn't return the New Year kiss/hug, you going to Chicago, you maybe needing to move out etc.)<br />Hope and kindness is a good thing to focus on in the new year. Take care!bearhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17303698155753090199noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20589943.post-79197078520640245072007-01-02T21:59:00.000-05:002007-01-02T21:59:00.000-05:00Now THAT was a stand-up thing to do Nate...Now THAT was a stand-up thing to do Nate...Spiderhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12674252850304214980noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20589943.post-8667311341528440382007-01-02T18:43:00.000-05:002007-01-02T18:43:00.000-05:00Nate,
Regardless of the ultimate outcome of all t...Nate,<br /><br />Regardless of the ultimate outcome of all this, you're doing the right thing for today.<br /><br />I'm proud of you.<br /><br />KFliphttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08141642385903218686noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20589943.post-60654801869628474282007-01-02T17:43:00.000-05:002007-01-02T17:43:00.000-05:00Nate -
Well, that's admirable news.
Personally I...Nate -<br /><br />Well, that's admirable news.<br /><br />Personally I'm glad you're not going to Chicago this weekend. I, too, feel the timing -- and the purpose -- are just not right. Not right now.Paulhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11877772974936424670noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20589943.post-38118879864578772822007-01-02T15:40:00.000-05:002007-01-02T15:40:00.000-05:00I have been listening and Spider is right that I d...I have been listening and Spider is right that I don't REALLY get it and Flip is right that being gay, alcoholic etc is not an excuse.<br /><br />I spoke with my therapist today and readily admit to in many ways being very conflicted.<br /><br />One thing seems clear - that going to Chicago at this time - barely being out of the bedroom, no less the house - is not a real standup act. It is also clear that it will be the death knell to a marriage that is pretty dead at the moment.<br /><br />Part of me wants to say there is no turning back but while that may very well ultimately be the case, that is not an excuse to create a self-fulfilling prophecy. <br /><br />So I have told Carrie that I am cancelling - no strings, nothing in exchange. Now I have to tell the person I was going to visit and cause pain elsewhere.<br /><br />I am sick of all that I have wrought but my wife (even if in the future that gets amended to friend) and my family needs to get more respect than I have given and I need to understand why I have had so much difficulty in respecting better.Natehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13642480079983859304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20589943.post-1359667614547312982007-01-02T15:11:00.000-05:002007-01-02T15:11:00.000-05:00DAMN blogger - that was me if you didn't know up t...DAMN blogger - that was me if you didn't know up there...Spiderhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12674252850304214980noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20589943.post-39598676404676545112007-01-02T15:10:00.000-05:002007-01-02T15:10:00.000-05:00Nate - if you don't know by now, I am the voice of...Nate - if you don't know by now, I am the voice of emotion, Flip is the voice of reason...<br /><br />I think Flip was able to say, in a reasonable, rational manner things I have been trying to say from an emotional standpoint...<br /><br />THINK ABOUT WHAT HE SAYS - what IF Carrie is the one that gets to escape?Spiderhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12674252850304214980noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20589943.post-41503605406876486522007-01-02T11:52:00.000-05:002007-01-02T11:52:00.000-05:00Nate,
Gee, I wonder why you are mostly hearing fr...Nate,<br /><br />Gee, I wonder why you are mostly hearing from the women and Spider, one of the bravest, most honest people I know.<br /><br />I can only speak for myself. I find this extremely difficult to watch (and comment on) for many reasons. One is that it reminds me of how selfish, delusionsal, misguided and abusive I was three years ago.<br /><br />Nate, the bottom line is that you aren't being honest with yourself...about what your options are; about the consequences of your actions - for your children, your wife and yourself; about much of anything related to this subject.<br /><br />Take it from one who learned the hard way and continues to struggle to grow up...being gay, being anything, no matter your circumstances, is not an excuse for emotionally abusing another human being...whether you love them or hate them.<br /><br />Your continued declaration that there is no turning back is both hollow and meaningless. No one expects you to turn back. I think what we are hoping to see is an indication of some intent to act with loving kindness as a husband and father going forward.<br /><br />So honestly Nate, what is the future scenario in your mind? Who is supposed to raise your children once you move out? How about this scenario...Carrie moves out to give her a better shot at finding your replacement. You get the house and the primary responsibility for raising your children for the next 11 years. Maybe you will "find yourself" as a "father" rather than as a "gay man." Finding yourself can take many forms.<br /><br />Now get honest. That's not the scenario you have in mind, is it? Honestly?<br /><br />Maybe I'm wrong. I hope so.<br /><br />With love and concern,<br /><br />FlipFliphttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08141642385903218686noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20589943.post-48055484836227871492007-01-02T08:27:00.000-05:002007-01-02T08:27:00.000-05:00Nate - the hope and kindness is on YOUR END - that...Nate - the hope and kindness is on YOUR END - that is what Carrie is giving YOU by not kicking your ass to the curb... as Bea says - you are torturing the one woman in your life who truly loves you...<br /><br />I still think you REALLY don't get all of this do you...Spiderhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12674252850304214980noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20589943.post-2552500082867576852007-01-01T20:38:00.000-05:002007-01-01T20:38:00.000-05:00I was struck by a comment a week or so ago (from S...I was struck by a comment a week or so ago (from Spider) and as is sometimes the case, had some difficulty in interpreting it:<br /><br /><b>Remember, your best thinking and decision-making got you where you are today. If you are not happy with where you are today, maybe it is time to listen to others or let them make some of the decisions...</b><br /><br />I wondered what was the agenda, the hidden message if I could only decode it. As I read the comments tonight it seems to make more sense - the "listen to others". <br /><br />Interestingly enough it is the women - Carrie, though not visible to you all, Bea, a part of our community, and Grace a knew name, though fitting enough.<br /><br />It is time to show some grace. You see Spider, there was a day when I could have forgone Chicago and the damage done. It seems that day has passed. Whether I get on the plane Friday or not, there is no going back, at least not in the forseeable future if ever at all.<br /><br />As usual what I present as hope and kindness translates into obstinance and cruelty.<br /><br />It is a New Year. I suppose a good post title might be "Responsibility" as in taking some.Natehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13642480079983859304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20589943.post-2501734277071223562007-01-01T20:12:00.000-05:002007-01-01T20:12:00.000-05:00Nate,
I should not have said "be a man". I hadn't...Nate,<br />I should not have said "be a man". I hadn't read all the rest of it...but still...you really need to stop dragging this out...<br /><br />goodness<br /><br />you really are torturing her....and no one deserves that....<br />just get it over with....gracehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16353719852472577554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20589943.post-41387214047498980622007-01-01T20:02:00.000-05:002007-01-01T20:02:00.000-05:00You are playing into the hands of every horrible s...You are playing into the hands of every horrible stereotype the "straight" world holds about gay/bi folks. <br /><br />Be a man. Nobody cares about your sexual orientation. <br /><br />I say this in love...for real.<br /><br />grace/pamgracehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16353719852472577554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20589943.post-68681224230569989462007-01-01T17:57:00.000-05:002007-01-01T17:57:00.000-05:00Nate--
I would like to echo Bea's sentiment and f...Nate--<br /><br />I would like to echo Bea's sentiment and further add that you are also torturing yourself.<br /><br />As you know, I'm far from a pessimist. But something tells me that this whole "seperate lives/same roof" experiment is going to be a real tough one....Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20589943.post-28482631325386497692007-01-01T16:26:00.000-05:002007-01-01T16:26:00.000-05:00You are torturing her.
BYou are torturing her.<br /><br />BHeidihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01133253850592184285noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20589943.post-52453467930828719752007-01-01T14:35:00.000-05:002007-01-01T14:35:00.000-05:00Just remember, you don't HAVE to go to Chicago... ...Just remember, you don't HAVE to go to Chicago... and if you do, you don't HAVE to sleep with him - these are all conscious choices you are making knowing the consequenses they bring... I hear you hunting for sympathy... Your best thinking and your best decisions have gotten you where you are today...Spiderhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12674252850304214980noreply@blogger.com