Figured I would take a moment to bring "closure" to the subject of Bob, my therapist, and his advice last week concerning honesty or the lack thereof.
After Bob and I got beyond being rather upset with each other - me at him for the advice and him at me for having done a "poll" concerning it - we had a very good session and will meet one more time to see if there is any further benefit or if we are done for now.
The bottom line is that he "heard" someone who was looking to keep his marriage intact and unchanged while continuing to act out - a classic have your cake and eat it scenario. His advice was based on those competing and ultimately mutually exclusive goals. It seems that sometimes an unrealistic question will generate an unrealistic answer.
After a 15+ minute monologue on where Carrie and I are today and on my own self definition, the landscape in the room was totally different than when I walked in. In a strange way Bob forced me (and by extension Carrie) to define ourselves. And so I have. He thought I showed great courage this week though I still think Carrie showed the courage and I just rose to the occasion. And of course while I make reference to "continuing to act out", that is no longer relevant in that the issue is who I am, not what I may do.
So Bob ended up being okay after all and while he did not have a secret "Kissinger style plan" the end result was to force a basic shift in thinking.
I appreciate your support and love in what is a time of unimaginable difficulty but also in ways I cannot explain (I know, 100,000 words of blogging: I should be able to explain anything:) a time of strange relief.