Seven days ago I sat in a hotel room in Chicago, reeling from the evening and wallowing in my life. I lost my balance that evening, doubting all that the last year and a half has meant – good and bad. Since then I have continued to stumble, listing first one way and then another.
Tonight was another long planned evening: two tickets to a concert, a small venue, a performer I liked even though I only knew two of her songs – the “hits”. Carrie demurred on joining me a while ago and suggested I find a friend, a presumably gay friend, as if that would be a mere snap of the fingers: my turn to demur.
My son likes music, albeit not necessarily my music, and accepted an invitation to join me. He does not live with me so the answer is not as automatic as it may seem: he took various trains and probably spent three hours in transit. We grabbed a burger, talked away and headed to the show. A wonderful time before the festivities even began.
Music is my thing and I have seen a few shows in my day. Tonight was Michelle Shocked backed up by Uncle Moon, a space where folk rock, blues, and rockabilly met. Simply put one of the best shows I have seen in a long time. At one point she did one of her hits – Come A Long Way – and digressed about love, the joys and the pains, the love she has now and the pain of a thirteen year bad marriage ended in a blissful divorce. I was by this point in my own bliss, considering how long ago last Friday felt. And then she said something that moved me to near tears: "It is not about happiness, it is about growth."A familiar theme that I tend to forget.
So I head off to bed – should have done that when I first came home – finally feeling that there is some balance back in my being. Still a long road ahead, but it is hard to walk that road when one can’t even walk a straight line.