Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Time In A Bottle

After a difficult moment last night KA told me my anniversary present was on the computer. It is a brief note to me and a post to all of us:

Dear ____,
As we approach our anniversary, I have thought of what I can give you to demonstrate my love and commitment. To that end, here is my post:

May, 2006

To find your soul mate on this earth I believe to be very special if not rare. It could be a spouse, a friend or a teacher. I know that it is someone who understands you as well as or better than you understand yourself. More importantly, they cannot help but love you in spite of all that comes to pass. I have been lucky enough to have found mine.

It is because I love my husband as much as I do, that I must stand by him in this struggle. However, it is you who have become his friends that he needs to help guide his path on this journey to his soul. I admit to not connecting well to this new cyber world, but I understand friends. Especially friends who pass no judgments and cheer you on regardless of your weaknesses and indecisions. You are a very special group.

Nate told me he would stop his blog for a while so that we can reconnect. I hope he does not follow through with that. Yes, I would prefer he not do it at home on “our time”, but he must complete this journey he has started. It may not be as interesting to you when (if) he shares times that work as a family, but is that not a part of your struggles as well. When you are sitting in the stands or audience watching your children, does your heart not ache with pride and for some of you fear. When we walk down the aisle this summer at our daughter’s wedding, will the tears be of pride and happiness for them, or fear and pain for the changes in him. His writing will help him sort those feelings out and you his friends will stand by whatever.

If I have any feelings to you whom I have not met, it is jealousy. You are the first to see as deeply into Nate’s soul as I have. He tells me of many of your struggles. I pray that you all find the peace you seek and the love you need, and that you are open enough to know it when it comes your way.

Regardless of where our journey takes us, I will love Nate for the wonderful person he is. I do not understand these bisexual feelings, but I understand that Nate is a highly intelligent, complex and very loving individual who is loyal to a fault. If this blog world helps even one of you, then I wish you all the very best. You shall all be in my prayers.


And if I could add a song if would be: Time in a Bottle by Jim Croce

With faith and all my love,

9 comments:

A Troll At Sea said...

Nate, KA,

I am completely blown away. If I thought that I would ever receive such a letter, I would rest easier now and in the weeks ahead.

I hope your daughter's wedding is a time of deep happiness for all; these times are given us to know what matters in life, little as the lead players have ANY idea what they are getting into.

You could surely tell them a thing or two.

Bless you all.

yr
Troll

Brad said...

KA,

You are an exceptional person and I think Nate is acutely aware of what a fortunate man he is.

I understand the complexity of the situation, at least from your children's perspective. The fact that you have both chosen to maintain your relationship not only for yourselves but for their sake, speaks volumes of your character and love for one another.

I wish you both the best.

But, good wishes from me aren't as important as the beautiful committment you seem to have to each other.

Brian said...

KA you are one in a million! All the best to you and yours. Maazel Tov!

Frank said...

Nate, KA...

Goodness....you all are so blessed. Blessed in that you love each other deeply in spite of the gay thing. I envy that. In my situation, my wife told me that she no longer loved me because of this. She outted me to the universe...and left me floundering in the ashes. Sort of reminds me of the old song by David Gates & Bread....that ends..."You left me, just when I needed you most."

Just remember, no one is forcing you to choose anything. No one is forcing you to make any major life-altering decisions.

This journey is one that has no standard interstate to travel. Each couple must slog through whatever path they feel most appropriate.

Be cautious....be slow....be deliberate. But most of all, dear friends, keep the love you have for each other foremost. It's a beautiful thing to read about.

Fondly,

Frank

Spider said...

WOW - all I can say is... WOW!

woe said...

Thank you KA.

You are truly an exceptional one in a million woman.

Troll said it.

Bless you both

bear said...

I was really moved reading this...I was at a loss for what to say for a couple days now.
This kind of understanding and selfless love is really so rare I think.
Like the others summed up pretty much...wow. You are blessed.

Tony said...

KA/Nate:

My reaction is no different. WOW! It does say a tremendous amount about each of you. Many would have simply parted. The fact that you recognize the importance behind your family unit, etc speaks volumes. Sacrafice is always hard but in the end it makes us better, stronger people.

Dane said...

As always, I remain the spectator who roots for Nate to find his happy place in the world with you. So good family moments are golden