After a difficult moment last night KA told me my anniversary present was on the computer. It is a brief note to me and a post to all of us:
As we approach our anniversary, I have thought of what I can give you to demonstrate my love and commitment. To that end, here is my post:
To find your soul mate on this earth I believe to be very special if not rare. It could be a spouse, a friend or a teacher. I know that it is someone who understands you as well as or better than you understand yourself. More importantly, they cannot help but love you in spite of all that comes to pass. I have been lucky enough to have found mine.
It is because I love my husband as much as I do, that I must stand by him in this struggle. However, it is you who have become his friends that he needs to help guide his path on this journey to his soul. I admit to not connecting well to this new cyber world, but I understand friends. Especially friends who pass no judgments and cheer you on regardless of your weaknesses and indecisions. You are a very special group.
Nate told me he would stop his blog for a while so that we can reconnect. I hope he does not follow through with that. Yes, I would prefer he not do it at home on “our time”, but he must complete this journey he has started. It may not be as interesting to you when (if) he shares times that work as a family, but is that not a part of your struggles as well. When you are sitting in the stands or audience watching your children, does your heart not ache with pride and for some of you fear. When we walk down the aisle this summer at our daughter’s wedding, will the tears be of pride and happiness for them, or fear and pain for the changes in him. His writing will help him sort those feelings out and you his friends will stand by whatever.
If I have any feelings to you whom I have not met, it is jealousy. You are the first to see as deeply into Nate’s soul as I have. He tells me of many of your struggles. I pray that you all find the peace you seek and the love you need, and that you are open enough to know it when it comes your way.
Regardless of where our journey takes us, I will love Nate for the wonderful person he is. I do not understand these bisexual feelings, but I understand that Nate is a highly intelligent, complex and very loving individual who is loyal to a fault. If this blog world helps even one of you, then I wish you all the very best. You shall all be in my prayers.
And if I could add a song if would be: Time in a Bottle by Jim Croce
With faith and all my love,