Thursday, February 16, 2006

So Simple and So Huge - Round 2

The last few posts have been a celebration of sorts – I’ve had my fun, given some blow-jobs, messed around, and now I’m back home and all is well. After all, I can still have my fantasies, never did throw away the toys…

Then I read Your Husband the other day. As I commented and e-mailed Jefferson, it had a visceral effect. That night driving home, I found my mind revisiting it. Today, as a reality check, I went back and re-read the post. I know there is all sorts of debate floating around – Edna’s comments, people (for reasons I can’t comprehend) blaming Jefferson for being with those who chose to be with him - a lot of noise to me because I keep going back to the original post.

The thing is that he captured an experience with an eye to detail that made it impossible to dismiss – I never had the exact experience of course – but for all practical purposes I was “your husband”. Which leads me to my reactions,

I read the post and found myself getting hard. My heart was in my throat. We are both in the same City and I was sorry I had not found him. I wondered how I find him now. All this from someone who had just finished a series of posts that I am making progress in resolving my issues - that I can live with just the fantasies. Yet I want to e-mail him – tell him I have a lunch hour – when’s good for you?

I went home that night troubled. My wife has been telling me for a week now that I am too quick to dismiss this all – that close to forty years of being bi somewhere inside is not let out and then recaptured in a matter of weeks. She tells me that I need to play this out further - to truly understand how it (or more I) fit. I tell her of Jefferson’s post – in broad strokes – and my reaction – in broad strokes. She does not say much – she had known this before I did.

The “simple” seemed clearer the other day; today is for the “huge”.

2 comments:

Raven in NYC (aka Mark) said...

I had the same reaction you did to Jefferson's post, but my reaction also went further (as you probably know).

However, I am inclined tend to agree with your wife. I thought that after reading the first paragraph and your last posts. However, it's more to the point that for me the bi stuff tends to come in waves. There will be times when my desire for it is very strong and I push for experiences. Once the desire is satsified there tends to be a lull. However, there are also times when I'm just focused on my wife and the us part of things.

That's not to say that you haven't reach a different point in your mind, but in having satisfied your urges so much of late are you sure entirely sure you are back home?

Bibydays said...

I like the image of the waves - it has been that way. I'm not sure but I think this is a spot where our difference in ages come out. Having watched many waves from the shore, I am afraid that if I get out of the water now, I may not go back in. Spent eleven years on the shore last time. I'm 51. You do the math.