I did a post – Words - a few days ago and I just can’t let it go. I started this journey as a classic straight guy who happened to want sex with men. Reading CL and seeing this statement I quickly realized the absurdity to it – when you are doing the “dirty” with a guy, you are not straight. So with difficulty, I admited I was bi, bi-sexual.
Now in the last post I mentioned homosexual acts and my difficulty in that phrasing. As I thought about it more I realized that bi – biped, bipolar, bifurcate (I can go for hours) – all refer to two sides, yet I am bi-sexual as in a heterosexual with lapses. Now I consider myself reasonably intelligent and it does seem that if I am engaged in sexual acts with a man, at least at that moment in time I am a homosexual; this is a statement, and concept, I am just unwilling to accept.
And this led me to consider the issue I have read that gays have issues with bi’s. I never understood why this would be the case but I think I do now. I know that some readers of this blog are gay. What must it look like to them when a person doing the same things, albeit not exclusively, do not want to share their label.
So I have spent close to a week on this, I find I cannot let it go. The answer of course is simple – that being bi means I am both heterosexual and homosexual at various times. I am just not at a point of accepting all it conveys.
I generally do not fish for comments – I am happy people read this, but ultimately write for myself. I confess that in this case, I would welcome any thoughts.
Thanks for listening.