Friday, April 21, 2006

Freudian HNT # 2 - aka A Day Late

I know its Friday and I know the “T” is for Thursday, but forgetting the fact that I do not control the dream process, the dream seems to fit being late. And as a bonus to me, my therapist and anyone actually reading this, the dream as I sit and type, is less than an hour old.

I am with a group of people – fairly large group – in a large bar / club. It is in the City (us New Yorkers…) and the only person I actually remember I presume to be KA. We are having drinks and seemingly a good time when I realize that it is almost 7:30 and we need to leave for dinner. We have a country dinner planned and it is a three hour drive which means even leaving immediately, we are looking at arriving exceedingly late – probably after the kitchen has closed.

We are starting to drive – it’s a bus and I believe I am driving. We start to go uphill and the gears just won’t engage, no matter what I do. Finally I comment that if we are going to this dinner I will have to drive the whole way in reverse which is not realistic.

We roll back to the City and abandon the bus. We figure we can deal with it tomorrow. I assume everyone goes off their own way though all I really remember is being alone and walking back to the club where the night started.

On the street to the club I meet a person from my office – not one I am particularly friendly with. Actually as far as I can tell in real life his sole function is running the office pools (not an inconsequential task) which I rarely partake of. He starts to tell me a story about an employee who recently left to everyone’s relief – a clerical person who other than being loud, vulgar, an alcoholic, and sluttish at an age when it is time not to be - was a nice enough person. (I actually am a little upset to have found him in my dream, but we are all about honesty.)

I walk back in to the bar – a side door it seems – and it is still rather crowded. As I walk around to where our table was the club re-arranges and now there is a dance floor. A waiter is by the edge and he keeps moving back to allow more space on the dance floor. I leave for home.

Now things get positively weird. I start walking home (it should be noted that I live in the ‘burbs so the concept of walking back to an urban destination is strangely flawed). On the way I pass someone selling bread and I have not eaten. It’s that strange hour for bakers and I ask if the bread is yesterdays or fresh. The items on display are old but she has some fresh items and I am going to take two loaves; when she asks for $25 it seems strange (yes – even cheap in dreams) and then she shows me something she refers to as turduckan (in real life turkey, duck and chicken – a gourmet treat KA has made quite nicely). However this is not turduckan – it is a cat and she then shows me that wrapped around the cat is something that was being baked. The woman selling the bread is older and frankly, scary – almost witch like. Now even I have my limits and I wake up.

Of course the whole point is to interpret the dream and I approach with much less certainty than I had last dream. The last section – the bread seller – completely defies me. The first sections do have potential. I am particularly interested in the bus only going in reverse. That seems to fit with my whole feeling that any gay exploration should have been thirty years ago and that I missed the boat (or bus if you will). Clearly in my dream I am not getting there going forward. I am disturbed by the fact that I start the evening with a large group – even an anonymous one (can you spell blog?) – and end up alone.

The good part about writing a dream which is so fresh is in the remembering. The downside is that I think it needs to steep for interpretation, so for the moment I will let this steep. I welcome any thoughts.

A day late – does seem to make sense, and once again I consider myself mighty naked as I post this.

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