At a time when I should be concentrating on work – an accountant on the home stretch – "my mind's distracted and diffused, my thoughts are many miles away.” Still I was going to hold off on this post until I read Flip today.
As I have mentioned I am going to Chicago at the beginning of May – big trip, 48 hours much of which is booked by my professional purpose. It has been suggested that my mentioning of it was fishing. It really was not. But a strange thing happened: Chicago took on a life of its own.
First SB found me and I had a date. Then SB lost me (cool – for good reasons) and I did not have a date. Then I started to think about what I wanted out of all of this and discussed it with Tom my therapist on Monday. Finally we figured it out. There are two possibilities.
The first is I go to Chicago and I do not hook up. Well I feel morally good, very responsible. And I get to come home knowing that I have another year to think about Chicago and regret not taking the opportunity.
The other choice is to attempt to have some fun (yes, I am aware of my choice of words) while there. Well this could be going on CL in advance or when I get there. The other night when I could not sleep I logged on and went to CL Chicago; boy was that depressing. I suppose there are other sites, but I have never gotten that far. I could just go to a bar – my therapist is gay, he tells me that in Chicago the area is called Boys Town. He seems to know these things. Then I can maybe get lucky and have an experience that is ultimately as empty as Washington.
In other words in a world where everyone loves a win-win (something I still don’t really get) I find myself with a lose-lose.
I truly started discussing Chicago in an innocent fashion, not a fishing expedition. But I must confess if I opened up my e-mail tomorrow and the next SB was waiting for me, I would jump on it in a heartbeat.
Work truly is a bit hellish, so please excuse my usual lack of editing and re-writing – this is a one take, what I think is what you get post.
Thanks for putting up with this. I am guessing that you are all pretty sick of Chicago by now; it will, one way or another, be behind us soon enough.