It has been an eye opening few days. It seems that my date in Chicago is not meant to be – a matter of the calendar and the shortness of my visit. SB feels bad but his family comes first; a fact that does not upset me because it confirms my judgment of him was correct: he has values.
I will share some of my e-mail to him:
As you know from my blog, my journey has ceased being about a bj (so to speak) and is in many ways about maturity - maturity as to who I am, the effect of my activities on the world, all sorts of things.
You have of course removed a crutch. I was never sure if I could pull the trigger on my own - that is go on CL, post a listing, take my chances in that world. I am still not sure. Being forced to confront myself is not a terrible thing.
Whether it comes to pass that Chicago includes a “date” and/or gay sex, the simple fact is when the opportunity came to me, I went for it, a fact no backspace key can change. Heck, I jumped at it, with a smile. And that terrifies me.
There is much more for me to understand here; I suspect I will not go hunting – CL just does not do it for me - but this blog seems to be quite the ice-breaker. If it all sounds confusing, then I have done a good job communicating because confused I am.