Wednesday, January 11, 2006

"Don't Ask, Don't Tell"

Recently after an 11 year break from acting on my bi desires (no break from having active fantasies) my wife - K - and I ended up at a new spot. Not sure how the path started, but we started on occassion with K giving more bi-sexual encouragement in bed than usual - a technique she uses to help me cum, particularly if going for multiples. As I somewhat mentioned in a previous posting, one night around three months ago she "suggested" I get a toy for my ass; I brought one for me and another for her. While she was on top with me in her, she took the dildo for her and started fucking my mouth, saying how a nice a real one would feel. Now I'm more oral than anything and I started to cum, and cum, .... It was pretty awesome.

Then we sort of rolled over and instead of her being happy, she seemed almost weary, as if her worst fears were confirmed. She explained that I needed to deal with my desires; she did not want to know about it but she accepted that I had a need that had to be addressed.

Well, I'm pretty happy - I figure if she is assuming I am doing it, I might as well do it and in the last three months have had some nice times with other guys (not the perfection I am looking for but it works for a start) and kept my oral desires satisfied.

Thing is I should have remembered Bill Clinton - "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" addressed an immediate issue, but ultimately has become a joke. While I love the psychological freedom to see guys while feeling I am not dishonoring K, there has been an unexpected price - honesty.

Used to be that I had no secrets from K. Considering that other than readers of this or the small number of guys I have been with, nobody knows I am bi, having one honest relationship was no small thing. Now I lay in bed knowing she is assuming I am having affairs - and she is right - and it gives me no joy. Even having found this blogosphere - something I am quite into - is an item I cannot figure out how to share.

Thanks for reading.

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