Where does one start. We had a babysitter, no movie times worked and we never got it together to arrange dinner with friends, so it was the two of us. Five hours later having covered the enormity of the last decade for us (a post in itself), the state of our marriage, our current sex life, my being bi as a concept, my being bi in terms of tangible acts, the world of blogs (I left out that I have one, my only act of omission), our feelings on it all… At the end I said “I feel I have lifted my burdens by transferring them to you.” Not really true – turns out there’s enough to go around.
I have always wondered who I am writing to here. Thought it was to myself, though the fact that a group of you read it gives it reality and me gratification. Having covered the content of ninety percent of my posts last night I realized that I was writing to her all along. While I do feel a sense of selfishness sharing my burdens, my marriage – no its more than that – my world is built on the ability for my wife and I to share ourselves totally with each other. The lack of that weighed heavily on me and while a part of me asks why I could not leave well enough alone, much more of me says we will come out stronger on the other side. It will take work, but worthwhile things usually do.
As I digest all of this, I realize there will be more posts – the act of writing is therapy – forcing me to organize and address diffuse feelings – but for now thanks to all who have taken the ride with me this past month.