Friday, March 03, 2006

My Wife, My Blog, My Music

My wife KA has read my blog. It turns out that this is something so simple, and well, so simple. When I first started the blog, there was much unsaid between us; since I announced my issues a month or so ago, we have talked. We have talked about everything in our lives - issues of my sexual orientation, our sex life together, family, children, and, as I have taken to calling it, my alcoholic temper, without the alcohol.

Therefore while a few little things caught her eye, there were no surprises. She has decided not to continue to read it because she wants me to be able to write freely. I think she also figured out that she is effectively getting the "bulldog" edition (is that term still relevant in the digital world) every night before bed.

I am relieved she has read it and we are still moving along. I suppose this is one area where the fear I had erected was always greater than the reality.

Music has been a thread in many of your blogs and if I am baring my essence to the "world", it seems that a few words are in order. I have quoted music in many posts but never discussed it. I think Chelsea Girl put it best when she wrote "iPod, therefore I am." I own a lot of music - I have over 5,000 songs on my computer and when I eventually digitize the rest of my albums and tapes (the ones I care about), the number should close to double. I bought my first album circa 1968 and have not looked back, I have strange bootlegs and concert tapes - it is a part of my essence.

Last June my family decided to ignore my combination of cheapness and inabilty to decide what MP3 player I wanted; they bought me an iPod for father's day. It has been a life changing experience in that my music became accessible. We listen to the stereo again: it is a part of and a backdrop to our lives.

KA, who is good at connecting the dots, points out that the timing of my bi-sexual explorations track closely with the re-arrival of music in my life in such a dramatic fashion. There has been a concurrent theme - my extended family wants to hear the music, they want to share it; after years of being the geek with the obsession, I feel validated. The music has allowed me a freedom I cannot explain - I suppose the inner child re-emerging - just no one including me realized the enormity of the that kid's bi/gay fantasies.

Friday the Gods of Music spoke to me again:
Water spirits singing springing around my head, makes me feel glad that I'm not dead.

1 comment:

Cymber said...

I am so glad that KA read your blog and things are still progressing in a positive direction. I think of you two so often (and often find myself eagerly awaiting your next post.)

As for the music, I have also been rediscovering my passion for it. It is such a beautiful way of expressing oneself when the words are hard to find.